No It Isn't

When a child exclaims,

"That's not fair!",

the above reply is no comfort, but there's truth in it.

When anyone runs into an issue in life that

really should be fair, but isn't, even as adults we protest it.

Such has been my life the last few weeks.

And then, to come to the conclusion that a 

re-occurrence of my breast cancer is

a preference to the excruciating* upper back pain

I've been having is

downright insane.

Really.

The operative word is re-occurrence.

It's in my upper spine, but it's the same cancer that was in my

breast in 2008.

That's a good thing, because my wonderful doctors

have treated this in the past and can know how to go about

treating it now with four and a half years of medical advancement

 their continued education and wisdom.

For me?

I've done this before.  I know what to expect.

The GUT-CLENCHING FEAR is not there.

But   Crying as Therapy

has now become a welcome friend and not a sign of weakness.

(It really has physiological  benefits)

The 10 to 15 radiation treatments will begin immediately

along with what other options, oral medication, or chemo are

deemed necessary.

When I find their side affects hatefully unpleasant,

I need only remember the pain that had me up in the night

screaming and crying in pain.

Asking, "God, where are you?"

Now, thanks to God -given narcotics, I know He never went away,

but has been there all along, just as He promised He would be.

As for the outcome?

  He's in that too and I'm there, snuggled in His heart.

No better place to be, actually.

So, if you are familiar with my Jesus, your prayers to Him are

the best gift you could give me.

You know my passion is writing. 

Touching your life in some way is something I want to keep doing.

Sorry, no long-winded medical, day to day, blow by blow

discourse will follow.

Just more of what comes into my head and out my fingertips.

Loving you, dear reader.

Au Revoir,

Mary    

All images via Pinterest

*

ex·cru·ci·at·ing 

 [ik-skroo-shee-ey-ting]  Show IPA

adjective

1.

extremely painful; causing intense suffering; unbearably distressing; torturing: an excruciating noise;excruciating pain.